we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
