my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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