Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
