i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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