The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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