seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
