This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
