it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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