mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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