Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
