Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
