CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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