Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if only i could text you this smell
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ttyl tear gas
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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