Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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