And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
