If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
