A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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