are you still at the devil's house?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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