I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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