It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
