i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
