I was born with a shot glass in my hand
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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