where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
