i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
