We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
