When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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