I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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