Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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