I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
