I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
