Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
