U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
