Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
