I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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