My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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