he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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