I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
