So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
