need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
