I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
