You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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