He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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