Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
