i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
