Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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