We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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