her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
