Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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