sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
