I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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