There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
