are you still at the devil's house?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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