I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
