How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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