Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
