I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
