My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
