It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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