My room smells like vodka and shame
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
