That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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