He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
