sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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