Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
40s are totally the cure
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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